Saturday, November 1, 2014

Real Time with Bill Maher #334 10/31/14 Crazy, Scary, and Weird

Crazy, Scary Weird Jokes
by Catherine Giordano

Things can get a little crazy, a little scary, and a little weird on Halloween. And also just before an election. And also on Friday nights on Real Time with Bill Maher. There was lots of crazy, scary and weird on episode 334 which arid on October 31, 2014.

Halloween Jokes
In the monolog, Bill Maher began with a few Halloween jokes.
  • Everything is orange and black on Halloween, just like John Boehner at a funeral.
  • If you see a guy running down the street with a bloody knife, you don’t know if it is a costume or ISIS.
  • John McCain is looking like the crypt-keeper.
  • Rick Perry has his clothes on backwards. Not because of Halloween—just because it’s Rick Perry. (CLICK HERE to see some more Rick-Perry-is-stupid jokes.)
Maher topped it off by saying this year he was going as a sexy Ebola nurse.

Maher said ebola was scary, but we need to remember that ebola has killed fewer people in this country than OJ.

He mentioned that politics is so weird. Republicans want to put Kaci Hickox, the nurse who returned from treating ebola patients in Africa lives in Maine in isolation or house arrest despite the fact that she has no symptoms. (No one can get ebola unless they have contact with the bodily fluids of someone who has symptoms. The first symptom is a fever. She is taking her temperature twice daily and she does not have a fever.) “It’s weird,” Maher said “because Republicans never want the government involved and now they want the government involved.”  

Wesley Clark
Wesley Clark
Panelist Wesley Clark is retired general of the United States Army and the author of several books. His most recent book is Don’t Wait for the Next War: A Strategy for American Growth and Global Leadership. He said, “Republicans see a weakness. They are the party of fear. The Democrats are the party of fair.” Nicely put.

 I say, “Get a grip, America.

In the United States, none of the ebola patients have died except for the first one who did not receive prompt treatment. This suggests that with prompt treatment, ebola is not as deadly as we think.

So far the family members or people who had close contact with the three ebola patients in this country have not become infected themselves. This suggests that ebola is not as catchy as we think.

Another panelist, Senator Angus King (I, ME) and author of Governor's Travels: How I Left Politics, Learned to Back Up a Bus, and Found America said, People have to get educated. When people first heard about AIDS they thought you could get it from a doorknob. The flue kills 20,000 people a year. Ebola has killed one.”

The Muslim Brouhaha
This is like a horror movie where the beast will not die no matter how many times you kill it. There was a stupid argument a few weeks ago on Bill’s show with Ben Affleck. (See my recap at Wake Up, America) Maher said that too many Muslims held beliefs that allow terrorists groups to thrive. For instance large majority of Muslims believe that the death penalty is appropriate for anyone who blaspheme or leaves the faith. He did not say that every Muslim is a terrorist.

Tonight he had to defend himself once again. Maher pointed out that Raza Aslan, a religious scholar and Muslim has agreed with Maher. A panelist, Rula Jebreal, a journalist, novelist,--her most recent book is Miral: A Novel-- and screenwriter launched a tirade. “She called Maher a racist.” Maher responded: “Muslims are not a race:” She said, “You wouldn’t dare say those kinds of things about blacks or Jews.” Maher responded: “Blacks and Jews do not belong to a religion that wants to kill Salman Rushdie for writing a book. (The Satanic Verses: A Novel) Maher added: "I resent that you are comparing me to an anti-Semite."

At one point, Jebreal said she was a secular Muslim. (Be careful, Rula, that could get you killed in some countries.)

Maher himself brought the subject up because he has been invited to speak at the December commencement ceremony at Berkeley College. It is the 50th anniversary of The Free Speech Movement. Some are trying to get Maher disinvited because of this blown-out-of-proportion brouhaha. Jebreal is one of them

Angus King
Angus King
Maher said he was not going to be speaking about Muslims in this speech. He will be giving the usual type of commencement speech—words of encouragement for the futures of the graduates. Clark and King defended Maher‘s right to free speech. Maher pointed out that people can disagree on an issue. He told Jebreal that even though she disagreed with him, he invited her on the show. Jebreal continued to scream in his face. Maher continued to respond politely and calmly.

Finally Maher said, “We have to move on.” He says that a few times every week. He has several topics he wants to discuss during the show so he has to cut off debate sometimes. Jebreal committed the unpardonable sin for a talk show guest. She would not stop ranting. Bill repeated that he had to move on. Jebreal kept right on ranting. It got to the point where I thought Maher was going to have to ask security to escort her off the set, but Maher was finally able to get her to stop ranting.

A new country called Reagan
The mid show comedy segment was about another call for secession by the people who love America so much that they want to leave her. Now that is crazy.

Doug McKinnon has outlined the plan in a little pamphlet called The Secessionist States of America. The Blueprint for Creating a Traditional Values Country. They want their new country to be called Reagan. Now that is weird. Maher gave us a few of his ideas about what this country would be like.

  • Brunch is never served and dinner is at 3pm.
  • A quiet place for heterosexuals who call their wives Mommy.
  • If you lived here, you’d be homophobic by now.
  • Come for the Pie. Demand an even bigger slice of the pie.
  • It’s where the gardeners speak English.
Eva Longoria
Eva Longoria

Eva Longoria and Migrant Farmers
The mid-show guest was the actress and activist with the Latino Victory Project Eva Longoria. (She looked stunningly beautiful, by the way.) She was promoting a documentary called Food Chains.
Her most recent one is Eva's Kitchen: Cooking with Love for Family and Friends.) She compared the plight of the migrant workers to slavery. They get a penny a pound for picking tomatoes; they pick 4000 pounds a day and earn about $40 a day (if they get paid). There has been a campaign to have consumers pay an extra penny a pound in order to double the pay of the workers. Consumers are OK with this as are most fast-food restaurants, supermarkets, and even Wal-Mart. The two holdouts are Wendy’s and Publix. (Remember that whey you decided where to eat or shop.)  

Jebreal, evidently still smoldering about being shut down, interjected asked if the farmers who were mistreating the workers wee Americans. Longoria looked confused, but said that they were. Jubreal replied, “Not Muslims. Thank you.” This earned her a dirty book from Maher. She was so out of line that I couldn’t bear to watch her anymore. Fortunately, I was watching the show via my DVR. From then on, every time she spoke, I fast-forwarded.

The upcoming election
King, who is an Independent, said people have told him, "All my life I have wanted to vote-for-none-of-the- above and you are it." King said people don’t vote on issues—they vote on do they like you; do they trust you.

Joni Earnst looks sane but is actually nuts
Is Ernst crazier than Michelle Malkin?
Maher talked about Joni Ernst. “She’s a nut. She wants to arrest federal officials who implement Obamacare. She says states can nullify laws. She says there is no climate change, and the minimum wage should be abolished. Maher concluded, “Democrats don’t have nuts like this.”

Kal Penn
Kal Penn
Kal Penn is an actor, best known for the Harold and Kumar movies, who left the  successful TV series House, to work for the White House. Penn was on the show to promote his documentary Bhopal: APrayer for Rain. It is about the 1984 chemical disaster that killed 5000 Indians. But Maher soon had him talking politics. 

Penn pointed out that it is hard to predict “the youth vote.” You don’t know if they are a “likely voter” if it is their first time voting. Maher discussed the Flip-A-District campaign to get John Kline (R MN) unelected. Maher is appealing to the college student voter’s because of Kline’s record of raising rates on student loans. “All we need is 29,000 additional votes—half of a Bon Jovi concert.”  

He continued this theme with New Rules. “Voting is one thing that scares Republicans, which is way Republicans try to make it so hard. “ 

Maher went on to castigate Democrats who are distancing themselves from the president. “It is not a winning strategy. Just ask President Al Gore.”  

Maher then listed all of the accomplishments of the Obama administration. 
  • 53 months of economic expansion
  • A depression averted
  • Deficit reduced by two thirds
  • A health care law that is working and reducing costs
  • Two women appointed to the Supreme Court
  • The stock market at record highs.
  • Bin Laden is dead.
  • Unemployment is down from 10.2 to 5.9. (For Fox News viewers, that means it’s down.)
  • Gas prices are down.
“Why is this a hard record to get behind,” he asked.

  • “Beheading videos get more likes than Obama.”
  • “You gave people health care, not herpes. Own it."
  • “Don’t chase polls, Change them.”

He then criticized Clay Aiken, a singer and author (Learning to Sing: Hearing the Music in Your Life), who is running for Congress in NC, for distancing himself from Obama. “You are a gay man in North Carolina. Instead of rallying liberals you are hoping to get the folks who watch Duck Dynasty to vote for you.” He said “Clay Aiken is having trouble getting the Clay Aiken vote.”

He concluded that Democrats who distance themselves from their president are like Clay Aiken—“Happy to come in second.” 

Don’t let crazy, scary and weird take over this country. Make sure you go out to vote and that you vote for Democrats.