The
last several episodes of “Real Time with Bill Maher" have been weak on comedy. I
was thinking, “Well, I can’t really blame Bill. What’s he supposed to do now
that Mitt Romney has gone into hiding? Mitt Romney has still “gone dark,” but
Bill Maher was really funny on the February 16th, 2013 episode of “Real
Time with Bill Maher” (Episode 272).
The
humor began with the opening monologue. Bill said that Obama proposed universal
pre-school in the State of the Union speech. He said that Obama got that from
Congress. It seems more than a few Congressmen need to learn “how to play well
with others.” (Pow!)
Bill
said that there is talk about getting rid of the penny. Bill suggested that we
get rid of something else that is bronze and useless. John Boehner! (Pow!) Bill said that during the state of the
union speech Boehner looked liked “a man listening to a long story from a men’s
room attendant.” (Pow! Pow!)
Personally,
I find that I can’t keep my eyes off Boehner during Obama’s State of the Union speeches.
He so clearly does not want to be there. He squirms and grimaces. He looks like
a man trying to hold in gas. (Maybe he’s just dying for a drink and a
cigarette. I hear he’s a heavy drinker
and smoker.)
Now
that Pope Benedict is going to retire, Bill asked, “What’s next for Benedict?
Dancing with the Stars?”
The
interview was with Robert Zimmerman, Jr., the brother of George Zimmerman. (George
Zimmerman shot and killed an unarmed teenager, Trayvon Martin, in Florida last
year. He claimed that the 17-year-old boy, who was just walking home from a
trip to a 7-11, “looked suspicious.”) George’s trial is coming up soon and
Robert is on the “rehabilitation tour” to try to get some good press for his
brother.
There
is no question about whether or not George Zimmerman killed Trayvon. The only
question is whether or not George killed him in self-defense. From what is
known about the case, George called 911 and reported Trayvon as “up to no-good.” He also said that “these ass-holes always get
away with it.” Trayvon happened to be on the phone with his girlfriend at the
time, and she reported that Trayvon told her that a man was following him and
he was scared. The girl says she told Trayvon to run, and then the phone connection
was lost.
Trayvon
is not around to tell his side of the story, but George claims that the
teenager attacked him, knocked him down, and was pummeling him, slamming his
head into the ground as he sat on his chest. This has been called a “stand-your-ground
case” and that initially was the Zimmerman defense. Now Robert says, it is not “stand-your-ground”
because ‘stand-your- ground” states that a person does not have a duty to
retreat (if possible) when threatened. Zimmerman claims that he had no
possibility of retreat and that he acted in self-defense. I believe Zimmerman
initiated an attack on Trayvon. (The 911 operator heard George breathing
heavily as if he was running and told him not to follow Trayvon.) I believe that
the kid was the one acting in self defense when Zimmerman shot him. I hope we can
learn the truth during the trial.
The
panel included Donna Brazille, a
Democratic strategist, John Meacham,
an author (most recently, Jefferson: The
Art of Power) and Jamie Weinstein, the Senior Editor of “The
Daily Caller”, a online magazine covering politics. (“The Daily Caller” was founded by Tucker
Carlson, a conservative wise-ass pundit, and that is all you need to know about
that.)
Brazille
and Meacham were fine guests—Brazille knows a lot about politics and Meadham
knows a lot about history. Jamie Weinstein doesn’t know anything about
anything.
I
had never heard of Weinstein before or “The Daily Caller” for that matter—I had
to look them both up on the internet—so I had no preconceived notions. Weinstein reminded me of an over-eager puppy
that jumps into your lap wagging his tail in your face while you are trying to
talk with the grownups. He struck me as an over-eager kid. The kind of kid that
was always waving his hand in the teacher’s face back in fifth grade while she
was still explaining the lesson, before she even asked a question. The kind of
kid had all the answers as long as it was an answer that could be memorized and
regurgitated. He displayed no ability for critical thinking, you know, the
ability to take in facts and arrive at conclusions.
Weinstein
interrupted the grown-ups in the room to regurgitate Republican talking points.
One of his mainstays, typical of conservatives, was this response that I am
labeling the “I-am-rubber-you-are-glue” moment of the week. The grown-ups were
discussing how Republicans were attacking Chuck Hagel, Obama’s nominee for
Secretary of Defense, a man with medals for heroism in the Vietnam War—the
senators with no military service at all were criticizing Hagel as unfit to be
Secretary of Defense. Jamie butted in, “What about the criticism of General
Pratreus by Democrats?” This happened ten years ago and the criticism did not
come from senators, but from an independent group who took out a newspaper ad. Hardly
even relevant to the discussion.
Bill
talked about Karl Rove trying to rein in the “ bat-poop crazy” Republicans (Bill did not say "poop"; you know what he said, a word I can not use if I want a "G" rating for this review.) so
the party can go back to just “regular bat-poop crazy” Republicans. It seems like
some Republican said, ”baseball bats and hammers kill more people than guns.” Besides not even being true, it is “bat-poop crazy” talk. The craziness has become so prevalent because there are so many
gerrymandered “safe districts” for Republicans that the politicians don’t worry
about losing the general election; they worry about losing a primary election
to someone who is more “bat-poop crazy” than they are.
Bill
did a great comedy segment this week. He did a parody of the David and Harry
catalog (the company known for the Fruit-of-the-Month Club). He called it “The Dirty Harry and David”
catalog. Some examples of the offerings in this catalog:
·
The
St. Valentines Day Massacre Basket: She’s
sure to make you her Bushmaster.
·
Pistol
Farms Sample: Guns and cheese. Everything a cracker could possibly want.
·
The
New York Gift Basket: Ready! Aim! Nosh!
The
humor of this episode was amped up when the special guest ,Joel McHale, host of
E!’s “The Soup,” came on. Joel is an easy going guy with a quick wit and an even
quicker smile. Bill mentioned that “The Soup” used to cover talk shows, but now
they cover reality shows. Bill said that there was “something sick” about
reality shows. It is looking down on people.
Joel said that there were a few good reality shows. He mentioned “Deadliest Catch,” “Dirty Jobs,”
and “Intervention.” (I’m not familiar with
any of these shows since I don’t watch reality shows. If you want my attention, you can take the trouble to script a TV show.)
“New
Rules” was very funny this week. Bill lampooned those who complain about Obama
getting secret service protection “like he was the manager of the local Pep
Boys. These are the same people who complain about fire trucks going through
red lights.” He then mimicked a whining child and said, “I don’t get to go through
red lights. Why does he get to go through red lights?”
Rubio
got a drubbing for his “quick-drink-of-water” moment. Bill joked, “Someone needs to tell Mark Rubio
something I learned years ago. Don’t get high before a show. You’ll wind up
making no sense, and you will develop a bad case of cotton mouth.”
[My
thoughts on Rubio: The Republicans are so desperate to put someone forward who
doesn’t alienate half the country that they pushed Rubio out before he was
ready. I do public speaking. You keep the water next to you, and if you need a
drink, you wait for a place in the speech where a pause seems natural, then as
if you were pausing for emphasis, you take a quick drink. You never touch your
face, and you certainly don’t try to slink away from the podium as if no one
can see you.)
However,
that moment did not ruin his speech. His speech was already ruined. He attacked Obama for not talking about the
very things that he did talk about in his State of the Union speech. Again, an
experienced speaker knows that you have to be able to think on your feet—you need
to make on-the-spot changes to your speech when the need arises.]
Bill
can never resist taking a poke at religion.
Bill said, talking to the Catholics of the country, “If the Pope can
leave, so can you.” He said the church
is dying off “like Moose lodges, Masons, Blockbusters, and moderate
Republicans.” He said the pope is just a figure head “like Queen Elizabeth in a
better dress.” He asked, “If you are Catholic, but don’t follow anything the church says, what are you staying for? The stained glass windows?"
He
had a barb for those who say “It doesn’t say in the rules that a Pope can’t
resign.”
Bill
said, in an incredulous tone, “It doesn’t say in the rules that there even is a
Pope. There is no Pope in the Bible.”
Next,
Bill suggested that we should have a woman Pope. He proposed that Hillary
Clinton should be the next Pope because “she knows how to handle men who can’t
keep their hands to themselves.” Or what about “Pope-prah?” Bill asked. “Jesus
turned water into wine and Oprah whines about retaining water.”
Still
doing comedy, but striking a serious note, Bill said that any culture that
excludes women always descends into sexual deviancy. And I would add that without
the civilizing influence of women, men are prone to excessive violence and deviancy
of all kinds. [Read Men in Groups by Lionel Tiger first published in 1969.] I will also
add that God didn’t give Eve to Adam for a companion; he knew Adam needed a
woman around to keep him in line, to keep them from going bat-poop crazy.
Finally,
Bill suggested that he should be Pope.
He was born and raised Catholic.
He wants nothing to do with children. And he can provide his own white
puff of smoke.
I
titled this review “Bat-Poop Crazies and Popes.”
Who were the the bat-poop crazies this week? Everyone who was the butt of one of Bill’s
jokes -- John Boehner, the “bat-poop crazy” Republicans, Marco Rubio, reality TV
“stars”—and Jaime Weinstein.
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