Real Time with Bill Maher #334 10/31/14 Crazy, Scary, and Weird

Crazy, Scary Weird Jokes

by Catherine Giordano

Things can get a little crazy, a little scary, and a little weird on Halloween. And also just before an election. And also on Friday nights on Real Time with Bill Maher. There was lots of crazy, scary and weird on episode 334 which arid on October 31, 2014.

Halloween Jokes

In the monolog, Bill Maher began with a few Halloween jokes.

• Everything is orange and black on Halloween, just like John Boehner at a funeral.
• If you see a guy running down the street with a bloody knife, you don’t know if it is a costume or ISIS.
• John McCain is looking like the crypt-keeper.
• Rick Perry has his clothes on backwards. Not because of Halloween—just because it’s Rick Perry. (CLICK HERE to see some more Rick-Perry-is-stupid jokes.)

Maher topped it off by saying this year he was going as a sexy Ebola nurse.

Ebola

Maher said ebola was scary, but we need to remember that ebola has killed fewer people in this country than OJ.

He mentioned that politics is so weird. Republicans want to put Kaci Hickox, the nurse who returned from treating ebola patients in Africa lives in Maine in isolation or house arrest despite the fact that she has no symptoms. (No one can get ebola unless they have contact with the bodily fluids of someone who has symptoms. The first symptom is a fever. She is taking her temperature twice daily and she does not have a fever.) “It’s weird,” Maher said “because Republicans never want the government involved and now they want the government involved.”  

Wesley Clark

Panelist Wesley Clark is retired general of the United States Army and the author of several books. His most recent book is Don’t Wait for the Next War: A Strategy for American Growth and Global Leadership. He said, “Republicans see a weakness. They are the party of fear. The Democrats are the party of fair.” Nicely put.

 I say, “Get a grip, America.

In the United States, none of the ebola patients have died except for the first one who did not receive prompt treatment. This suggests that with prompt treatment, ebola is not as deadly as we think.

So far the family members or people who had close contact with the three ebola patients in this country have not become infected themselves. This suggests that ebola is not as catchy as we think.

Another panelist, Senator Angus King (I, ME) and author of Governor's Travels: How I Left Politics, Learned to Back Up a Bus, and Found America said, People have to get educated. When people first heard about AIDS they thought you could get it from a doorknob. The flue kills 20,000 people a year. Ebola has killed one.”

The Muslim Brouhaha

This is like a horror movie where the beast will not die no matter how many times you kill it. There was a stupid argument a few weeks ago on Bill’s show with Ben Affleck. (See my recap at Wake Up, America) Maher said that too many Muslims held beliefs that allow terrorists groups to thrive. For instance large majority of Muslims believe that the death penalty is appropriate for anyone who blaspheme or leaves the faith. He did not say that every Muslim is a terrorist.

Tonight he had to defend himself once again. Maher pointed out that Raza Aslan, a religious scholar and Muslim has agreed with Maher. A panelist, Rula Jebreal, a journalist, novelist,--her most recent book is Miral: A Novel-- and screenwriter launched a tirade. “She called Maher a racist.” Maher responded: “Muslims are not a race:” She said, “You wouldn’t dare say those kinds of things about blacks or Jews.” Maher responded: “Blacks and Jews do not belong to a religion that wants to kill Salman Rushdie for writing a book. (The Satanic Verses: A Novel) Maher added: "I resent that you are comparing me to an anti-Semite."

At one point, Jebreal said she was a secular Muslim. (Be careful, Rula, that could get you killed in some countries.)

Maher himself brought the subject up because he has been invited to speak at the December commencement ceremony at Berkeley College. It is the 50^th anniversary of The Free Speech Movement. Some are trying to get Maher disinvited because of this blown-out-of-proportion brouhaha. Jebreal is one of them

Angus King

Maher said he was not going to be speaking about Muslims in this speech. He will be giving the usual type of commencement speech—words of encouragement for the futures of the graduates. Clark and King defended Maher‘s right to free speech. Maher pointed out that people can disagree on an issue. He told Jebreal that even though she disagreed with him, he invited her on the show. Jebreal continued to scream in his face. Maher continued to respond politely and calmly.

Finally Maher said, “We have to move on.” He says that a few times every week. He has several topics he wants to discuss during the show so he has to cut off debate sometimes. Jebreal committed the unpardonable sin for a talk show guest. She would not stop ranting. Bill repeated that he had to move on. Jebreal kept right on ranting. It got to the point where I thought Maher was going to have to ask security to escort her off the set, but Maher was finally able to get her to stop ranting.

A new country called Reagan

The mid show comedy segment was about another call for secession by the people who love America so much that they want to leave her. Now that is crazy.

Doug McKinnon has outlined the plan in a little pamphlet called The Secessionist States of America. The Blueprint for Creating a Traditional Values Country. They want their new country to be called Reagan. Now that is weird. Maher gave us a few of his ideas about what this country would be like.

• Brunch is never served and dinner is at 3pm.
• A quiet place for heterosexuals who call their wives Mommy.
• If you lived here, you’d be homophobic by now.
• Come for the Pie. Demand an even bigger slice of the pie.
• It’s where the gardeners speak English.

Eva Longoria

Eva Longoria and Migrant Farmers

The mid-show guest was the actress and activist with the Latino Victory Project Eva Longoria. (She looked stunningly beautiful, by the way.) She was promoting a documentary called Food Chains.

 

Her most recent one is Eva's Kitchen: Cooking with Love for Family and Friends.) She compared the plight of the migrant workers to slavery. They get a penny a pound for picking tomatoes; they pick 4000 pounds a day and earn about $40 a day (if they get paid). There has been a campaign to have consumers pay an extra penny a pound in order to double the pay of the workers. Consumers are OK with this as are most fast-food restaurants, supermarkets, and even Wal-Mart. The two holdouts are Wendy’s and Publix. (Remember that whey you decided where to eat or shop.)  

Jebreal, evidently still smoldering about being shut down, interjected asked if the farmers who were mistreating the workers wee Americans. Longoria looked confused, but said that they were. Jubreal replied, “Not Muslims. Thank you.” This earned her a dirty book from Maher. She was so out of line that I couldn’t bear to watch her anymore. Fortunately, I was watching the show via my DVR. From then on, every time she spoke, I fast-forwarded.

The upcoming election

King, who is an Independent, said people have told him, "All my life I have wanted to vote-for-none-of-the- above and you are it." King said people don’t vote on issues—they vote on do they like you; do they trust you.

Is Ernst crazier than Michelle Malkin?

Maher talked about Joni Ernst. “She’s a nut. She wants to arrest federal officials who implement Obamacare. She says states can nullify laws. She says there is no climate change, and the minimum wage should be abolished. Maher concluded, “Democrats don’t have nuts like this.”
 



Kal Penn

Kal Penn is an actor, best known for the Harold and Kumar movies, who left the  successful TV series House, to work for the White House. Penn was on the show to promote his documentary Bhopal: APrayer for Rain. It is about the 1984 chemical disaster that killed 5000 Indians. But Maher soon had him talking politics. 

Penn pointed out that it is hard to predict “the youth vote.” You don’t know if they are a “likely voter” if it is their first time voting. Maher discussed the Flip-A-District campaign to get John Kline (R MN) unelected. Maher is appealing to the college student voter’s because of Kline’s record of raising rates on student loans. “All we need is 29,000 additional votes—half of a Bon Jovi concert.”  

He continued this theme with New Rules. “Voting is one thing that scares Republicans, which is way Republicans try to make it so hard. “ 

Maher went on to castigate Democrats who are distancing themselves from the president. “It is not a winning strategy. Just ask President Al Gore.”  

Maher then listed all of the accomplishments of the Obama administration. 

• 53 months of economic expansion
• A depression averted
• Deficit reduced by two thirds
• A health care law that is working and reducing costs
• Two women appointed to the Supreme Court
• The stock market at record highs.
• Bin Laden is dead.
• Unemployment is down from 10.2 to 5.9. (For Fox News viewers, that means it’s down.)
• Gas prices are down.

“Why is this a hard record to get behind,” he asked.

• “Beheading videos get more likes than Obama.”
• “You gave people health care, not herpes. Own it."
• “Don’t chase polls, Change them.”

He then criticized Clay Aiken, a singer and author (Learning to Sing: Hearing the Music in Your Life), who is running for Congress in NC, for distancing himself from Obama. “You are a gay man in North Carolina. Instead of rallying liberals you are hoping to get the folks who watch Duck Dynasty to vote for you.” He said “Clay Aiken is having trouble getting the Clay Aiken vote.”

He concluded that Democrats who distance themselves from their president are like Clay Aiken—“Happy to come in second.” 
 

Don’t let crazy, scary and weird take over this country. Make sure you go out to vote and that you vote for Democrats.

 

Real Time with Bill Maher #270 “Reason and Unreason”

by Catherine Girodano

HBO’s “Real Time with Bill Maher,” episode 270 that aired on Friday February 1, 2013, was a rarity—everyone on the show was a believer in reason,--i.e. no right-wingers. But even reasonable people can disagree.  But when reasonable people disagree it is a debate, not a brawl. The only problem with the show tonight is that it was not ten hours long. Bill likes to cover a lot of topics during each show and that doesn’t allow for a full discussion and resolution of the issues.

The interview was with Alex Gibney, a documentary film-maker with a new film, Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in theHouse of God which will air on HBO beginning Monday February 4. We may have thought that we knew about the pedophilia scandal within the Catholic Church, but it looks like this documentary will show us how little we really know.  Alex talked about how pervasive sexual crimes against children (usually boys) are, and how massive the cover up is, and how even popes, including the current pope, are complicit.

Bill asked if pedophile men become priests because they are pedophiles who hope the “power of Jesus” will cure them or because the all male environment turns them into pedophiles. The answer is neither. Gibney said that pedophiles become priests because predators want to be where they are protected. Priests have the power to abuse with immunity.  And I might add, they have so much access to potential victims.

Alex pointed out one good outcome of the exposure of the abuse and cover-up, which goes back to the 4^th century (to the very beginnings of The Church) is that previously the government of Ireland and the Catholic Church were practically one entity, and now the government of Ireland has separated from the Catholic Church.

Bill mentioned that priests are seen as “demi-gods.” Alex informed us that the belief that a priest is halfway between a mortal and an angel is a heresy.  Priests are clearly not demi-gods using their power for evil, they are just men using their power for evil.

One of the panelists was Sam Harris, co-founder of “Project Reason” and well known for the best-selling books he has written on the topic of atheism. Given that Bill is an atheist and Gibney was speaking about the crimes of the Catholic Church, I expected to hear something on these topics by Harris. Not a word, although at one point he was identified as “Sam Harris, philosopher” on the screen. Harris did not speak about atheism or philosophy—he spoke about politics and current events.

The other two panelists were Cory Booker, mayor of Newark, and Eva Longoria, an actress and activist. (Fashion-police-moment-of-the-week—who did Eva’s hair? It was obviously carefully coiffed, but looked weird. Her hair was pulled back from her face into a loose pony tail, but at the very top part of her head, a small section of hair was poofed up like she was hiding a mouse under it.)  

Cory Booker always has so much to say and says it very well. He’s also a very down- to-earth guy, self-effacing and the epitome of cool. During Overtime, he talked about his twitter account and about how it is a great way to stay in touch with constituents. He knows about a water main break before the Department of Water knows about it; it helped him locate and send help to people during the aftermath of Hurricane Sandy. 

Cory is so hands-on that Bill joked that “your blackberry is like the bat-signal.” Whenever there is trouble, he’s on the spot. Everything from using is body (ala Superman) to cover a gap in the tracks of the PATH train (a funny exaggeration although Cory once rescued a woman from a burning building) to preventing a fight from breaking out between two patrons in a local laundromat (something that one could easily imagine Cory doing in real life.)

Eva is an activist on immigration issues, so with immigration in the news right now, It was the first topic of conversation. Eva talked about some of the rhetoric that says the border must be secured before there can be a path to citizenship for the undocumented residents of the United States. Eva pointed out that the border is already secure—net immigration is at zero. Cory said that we need to do what is best for America. He advocates for the Dream Act, saying that it is foolish to educate them, and then kick them out. He segued into the issue of crime. The undocumented are afraid of the police so they will not report crime making them disproportionately likely to be victims of criminals. The implication is that Immigration reform will make it easier to catch criminals, and thus reduce the crime rate.

Bill in his opening monologue said that the alternative to immigration reform is “Pick your own strawberries.”

The conversation moved to safety and guns. Bill pointed out that nothing is safer than a police state. The discussion about guns showed that reasonable people can disagree.  Sam and Bill both commented that guns can play a role in providing for personal safety. One would think so, but Cory once again came to the rescue of misguided thinking.  He said he was for much stricter laws and pointed out that if you own a gun, you are much more likely to be killed by that gun than you are to use it to successfully defend yourself. Cory, as a mayor of a city, Newark that has been known for violence, is on the front lines when it comes to guns and crime. I’d listen to him.

Eva said, if you are going to own a gun, it should be like getting a car license. You need to have training. At the very least, I want to add. Yes, every now and then people successfully defends themselves with a gun, but here’s the problem. The gun needs to be secured, kept away from children and thieves, and the crazy person that might just happen to live in your house. In an emergency, that gun is not going to be at hand, or your training and temperament is not going to be sufficient, or you might be emboldened to try to face down a possible intruder instead of retreating to safety.

In any event, if a gun makes you feel more safe and you are not mentally ill and do not have a criminal record, the current proposed gun laws will not stop you from owning a gun if that is what you wish to do. Just because gun laws can’t stop all gun crimes, does that mean we shouldn’t try to stop some of them. Cory had the statistics to prove that the ban on assault rifles did reduce crimes. 

Returning now to the voices of unreason, we have the Republicans in the House and Senate. The Republicans behaved disgracefully, browbeating Hillary during the hearings on Benghazi, and then being absolutely vicious to Chuck Hegal during his hearings for confirmation as Secretary of Defense. And Chuck Hegal is a Republican!

Bill said  that Republicans had turned against Hegal because since he was nominated by Obama “he has Obama’s cooties on him.” (It’s true, Republicans act like children.)

McCain was the leader of the pack of jackals. Jackie pointed out that there is bad blood between McCain and Hegal because Hegal was against the surge in Iraq that McCain favored. Bill responded that McCain was saying “The surge worked! Say it! Say it!” (It reminded me of a bully in a school yard, twisting someone’s arm until he says what the bully wants him to say.)

There’s a gun lobby.  There’s a defense industry lobby.  Cory said we need a lobby to do rational things. The Reason and Rationality lobby--I like the sound of that.

Back to the voices of Unreason.  In New Rules, Bill said that Sarah Palin was dumped by Fox News right after Jindal (Republican governor of Louisiana) said that Republicans have to stop being the “stupid party.” (Bill called it a wondrous coincidence. Also, Fox is slipping in the ratings. I hope that is more than a coincidence.)

Glen Beck is one of the major voices of unreason. He lost his show on Fox News last year when he went so far around the bend that he lost too many advertisers. But Beck doesn’t need Fox News. He has a show on the internet now. It costs $9.95 a month to subscribe. And he has 300,000 subscribers.  He and his ilk, according to Bill, are in the business of “separating rubes from their money”—all they have to do is to keep them feeling like they are under attack. The fear mongers—Beck, Hannity, Coulter, O’Reilly, et al.—can then keep on selling the same book over and over—the one that attacks liberals as the scourge that will lead to the downfall of America and death of us all.

Bill concluded that there is no comparable organization on the left dedicated to separating liberals from their money…here’s the “wait-for-it-moment-of-the-week” … unless you count Whole Foods. 

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