Real Time with Bill Maher #338 01/9/15 “No Joking”

by Catherine Giordano


My French is not too good, but I think it says
"700 lashes if you don't die laughing."
'Charia" means "Sharia."
"Hebdo" means "weekly."

Real Time with Bill Maher began the new season with a bang. Maher’s theme was “No joking” and he had some excellent guests to amplify his points. The terrific guests were Chris Hardwick, Jay Leno, Paul Begala, and Salmon Rushdie. Carly Fiorina was also present.

Monologue

Bill Maher began his monologue saying that free speech and joking were under attack. First the North Koreans did not want any joking about their glorious leader and the movie, The Interview” which featured a plot about some bunglers attempting to assassinate him, got pulled from theater chains. And now the much more serious case of the offices of a satirical magazine in France, Charlie Hebdo, being attacked by Islamic murderers because of satirical cartoons about Mohammed (another glorious leader who should never be insulted). Eight members of the staff were killed in the attack.

Maher commended the remaining members of the staff who have proclaimed that the next edition of the magazine will come out on time with a million extra copies printed. He compared the bravery of Charlie Hebdo to the cowardice of Sony. He offered mock congratulations to Sony for “putting up less resistance than the French.” He then said that the proper response to terrorists was “in the immortal words of Dick Cheney as spoken on the floor of the Senate, ‘Go f*@k yourself.’”

America is supporting France during this crisis, so much so, Maher said, “that the Senate wants to change ‘freedom fries” back to “French fries.’”

Interview: Chris Hardwick on Cyber Space

Chris Hardwick

Maher did the interview with Chris Hardwick, a comedian, actor, screenwriter, musician, podcaster, television host for @Midnight on Comedy Central, and author of The Nerdist Way: How to Reach the Next Level in Real Life).

Chris talked about hacking and about keeping your data secure. Have secure passwords. Don’t use public wi-fi. Never say anything in email or a text that you wouldn’t shout out loud in the middle of Times Square.

Hardwick said there was a lot of cyber crime in Russia because I lot of people have math and computer skills, but no job. He said not all cyber crime was done for monetary gain. Cyber terrorism in support of a cause. Hard core black hat hacking is done just because some people “want to burn stuff down”—they get their jollies by destroying things.

World reaction to Charlie Hebdo

Hacking can be a two-way street. A hacker group known as “Anonymous” (not sure what category they are in) has announced that will destroy all Islamic terrorist websites.

There has been universal condemnation of the attack. Even Islamic groups have not remained silent this time; they have spoken out to condemn it.

Maher said, referring to Islam, “Where there is this many bad apples, something is wrong with the orchard.”

Salman Rushdie

Salmon Rushdie, author of several books including Joseph Anton: A Memoir (about the time he spent in hiding because there was a fatwa calling for his murder due to his book, The Satanic Verses: A Novel) and his latest novel, Shame: A Novel, made news with his statements. Literally, I saw a clip from the Real time on TV the next day featuring Rushdie. He said that most of the Islamic terror groups were not about the west, but were part of attempts to “seize power in the Islamic world.” They want to return to the 7^th century, to the time when the Prophet lived.

Rushdie said that the best thing we can do is “don’t give a f*@king inch.” He objected to the “but brigade.” People who say they are for free speech …but they should have been more respectful, more sensitive, whatever.

Maher replied, “To a coward courage always looks like stupidity.” I put that quote in bold type because it is so good. Somebody needs to put it on a tee shirt, with “Je suis Charlie Hebdo” on the other side.

Rushdie said “We have to rock the boat. It’s our function. What would a respectful political cartoon look like?”

Read more about this discussion and see the YouTube video: Maher, Rushdie, and Charlie

Mid-show comedy Segment: Other Movies Sony Pulled

Maher showed us some movie posters for fake moves that might cause enough controversy and would have to be pulled. Some of them were:

• Tyler Perry in Medea Gets Choked Out by a Cop
• Mel Gibson in The Girl with the Swastika Tattoo
• Ray Rice in Black Chick Down
• Bill Cosby in While You were Sleeping

 

Jay Leno

Jay Leno
The mid-show guest was Jay Leno. Now that Jay Leno is no longer hosting The Tonight Show, (See Behind the Curtain: An Insider’s View of Jay Leno’s Tonight Show by Dave Berg) he has more time to devote to his cars. He is doing two shows about cars: Garage which can be seen on YouTube and a car show for CNBC.

Maher asked Leno, “If you had to choose between jokes and cars which would you choose?” Leno said, “Jokes because the jokes pay for the cars.”

The Republican contenders for 2016

Maher said that Mitt Romney will run again.



Paul Begala

Paul Begala, Democratic campaign strategist and author of many books on politics including his newest one assessing the possible 2016 candidates, 2016 Scouting Report: American Bridge's Media Guide to the Republican Presidential Bench,

thought this was wonderful news. He said, “I have a whole warehouse of old attack ads.” He added, “The Republicans always choose the oldest white guy next in line.” “Bush, Christie, Romney, the potty-trained Republicans.” Sorry Paul, I have to disagree with you about Christie. There are a few lessons he failed to learn in kindergarten.

Economic News

The economic news has been so good. The Dow has tripled since Obama took office. Unemployment is down to normal levels. Gas is cheap. Maher showed clips of Republicans making campaign promises on these issues and then said, “Obama has achieved all the Republican goals.

Carly Fiorina, former business executive, failed U.S. Senate candidate (R CA), author of Tough Choices: A Memoir and possible contender for the Republican nomination for president in 2016, (Yes, really—she says may run.) had to be the ants at the picnic. She put on her sourest face and nagging like a buttinski mother-in-law started ranting about poverty rates and income inequality.

Maher scoffed at her incredulously. “You care about income inequality!?” It turns out she vociferously says she does. Not that she has a plan to fix it, but just as something she could use to beat up Obama.BTW, Obama has a plan--raise the minimum wage. I wish Maher had called her fluff and asked her for her opinion of Obama’s plan to reduce income equality by raising the minimum wage.

Begala said, “We have the best economy in the world because we have a President who knows what he is doing.” Fiorina was screaming now, “Income inequality, Income inequality.” She was like a jack in the box—you slam down the lid, but she just keeps popping up. Oh, yes, Carly, please run for President. We need the jokes.

New Rules: Policeman’s Bawl

Drop the binky.

The final New Rules segment was about the New York Police Department and New York Mayor de Blasio. What did de Blasio do to raise the ire of the police? He said, “Many families wonder if their child is safe.” (de blasio has a black wife and black son.)

Maher accused the NYPD of suffering from PMS. “We have to tell them that we love them or they throw a tantrum.” Maher said with biting humor, “Next, it will be a baby with a rattle. He pointed the rattle at me. Drop the f*@king binky.”  

“Police say they are going by the book. Who wrote the book? George Zimmerman?” (BTW, Zimmerman just got arrested again—domestic violence against a girl friend again. How desperate do you have to be to be Zimmerman’s girlfriend?)   

Maher said the police unions were behind the bad behavior of the police. (In addition to openly disrespecting the mayor and turning a funeral into a political protest, they are engaging in a work stoppage.) The police union is supporting this bad behavior and Maher called them out for giving unions a bad name.   

Then he praised unions saying that when one in three workers belonged to a union, we had a strong middle class. Now that only one in ten belongs to a union, the middle class is sliding down the economic scale. 

“It's not hard to do the math. Wait it is, because we can’t fire teachers because of the teachers union.”

 
It ended there.

First Maher disses unions, then he praises unions, and then he disses unions again. Where’s the joke? Maybe there was no joking because everybody on the writers’ staff left their brains on vacation. It’s the first show of the new season—get back on your game! End with a joke that is funny. End with a joke that has some bite. End with a joke that would make Charlie Hebdo proud.

“Real Time with Bill Maher” #302 “Drama Queens and Cocaine Dreams”

By Catherine Giordano

Maher does a great tribute to JFK.

Drama queens and cocaine dreams ruled on HBO’s “Real Time with Bill Maher” #302, the season finale

which aired on 11/22/13. In the monologue, Bill Maher talked about the change in the Senate rules so that a filibuster could not be used to block a vote on President Obama’s nominees for the courts. Majority rules—at last!. Maher said Republicans are acting like a bunch of “drama queens,” red faced with fury. 

The so-called “nuclear option” was so easily accomplished—it was done in an afternoon. Why did they wait five years? It should have been done four years ago as soon as the Republican plan to do nothing but obstruct became evident. Bill Maher joked, “Just wait until President Ted Cruz fills the D. C. Circuit Court with Ann Coulter, Bill O’Reilly, and a fetus.”

The “cocaine dreams” part of the title refers to Trey Radel, Republican congressman from Florida. He pleaded guilty to possession of cocaine and was sentenced to one year of probation and a very small fine. He’s going to “Club Rehab,” but not resigning. He said that his arrest was a wakeup call. Maher quipped, “His wakeup call used to be a ginormous line of cocaine.”  Maher added that “he is taking a page from Rob Ford [mayor of Toronto also busted for cocaine and also refusing to resign], blaming it on alcohol.”  As if abuse of alcohol makes the use of illegal drugs OK. 

It should also be pointed out that Radel voted to drug-test recipients of food stamps and also voted to cut food stamp spending. Maybe he did those votes while high on cocaine.

Later in the show there was a discussion of cocaine use. Maher says he knows several very successful people in Hollywood who use cocaine.  It doesn’t interfere with their ability to function.  Maher didn’t take it one step further and bring in the proposition that it is not the drug, but it’s illegality that causes problems. For rich people, it really is just like drinking too much sometimes.

The interview was with Dan Savage, who is gay and dramactic, but anything but a drama queen. He is the epitome of cool with a biting wit. He is the author of a sex-advice column named “Savage Love” and the author of several books.  His most recent book is AmericanSavage: Insights, Slights, and Fights on Faith, Sex, Love, and Politics. Maher called him our “unofficial ambassador to Gaytopia.”

Maher mentioned a priest who recently testified in Hawaii that the children of gay couples are more likely to commit suicide.  Dan coolly delivered the priest’s comeuppance. “He’s confusing children with gay parents with the children molested by gay priests.” Pow!

Savage also had quite a few things to say about the two daughters of Former VP Dick Cheney. Liz Cheney (who is straight) is in a primary election in Utah. She is down 50 points in the polls. She thought she could improve her standing with conservatives by condemning her sister, Mary, who is a lesbian married to another lesbian. The ploy only made things worse for Liz.  Bill said, “Liz misjudged people. The only thing ickier than gays is throwing your sister under the bus to win votes.” 

Savage used somewhat stronger language. He called Mary and her wife a couple of “rich dikes.” He reported that Liz had donated money to politicians who seek to repeal gay rights (including $2,500 to Romney) and she never spoke out about the anti-gay statements by her father when he was running for VP. Anyway, it seems that Dick Cheney has been trying to patch things up between his daughters. Savage commented on this thusly: “It’s funny that you need a dick to adjudicate a dispute between a lesbian and her straight sister.”

The panel was introduced and the discussion went straight to the filibuster. Paul Begala, who is a political consultant and co-author of several books with James Carville; the most recent is Take It Back: Our Party, Our Country, Our Future. He said, “The Constitution mentions nine things that require a super-majority; confirmation of judges is not one them. There is no filibuster in the Constitution.”

 Katty Kay, the lead anchor of BBC World news America and co-author  (with Claire Shipman) of Womenomics: Work Less, Achieve More, LiveBetter, said, “It had to be done to make the government work… Harry Reid has had 400 filibusters.”  

Former Republican governor of Maryland, Bob Erlich, said, “Be careful what you wish for. An election is coming up.” This is the “whistling-in-the-dark” moment of the week. Until Republicans change their policies concerning women, minorities, the middle class and the poor—and that doesn’t seem likely to happen anytime soon-- they are not going to retake the Senate. Moreover, I feel positive that if Reid had not abolished the filibuster, the Republicans would have done it the moment they regained control of the Senate. The last time they were in control, they threatened to do it, and they would have if the Democrats hadn’t caved and allowed totally unqualified nominees to be confirmed.  So this move costs the Democrats nothing, and may allow them to get enough done to win favor with the voters and thereby keep their control of the Senate.

  

The comedy segment began with Maher wishing liberals “a very merry war on Christmas.”  Then he showed us some mock books from politicos about Christmas.

Bill O’Reilly:       Killing St. Nick

Paula Dean:        Extremely White Christmas           

Chris Christie:    The 12 Days of Thanksgiving

Barack Obama:  If You Like Your Present, You Can Keep Your Present

John Boehner:    Little Drama Boy

There was also a discussion about JFK and assassination conspiracy theories and the crazy conspiracy theories about Benghazi, especially those on Glenn Beck’s website..  Maher said, “We need conspiracies  like we need God, we’can’t accept that things are just random.”  Kay said, “They have almost a pathological mistrust of government. They project their feelings onto it.” Erlich tied to protest that Benghazi was really different, but no one took him seriously.

There was also a discussion about the Republicans shedding crocodile tears about the Affordable Care Act. They focus on the 1.5% of people who may have to get insurance without qualifying for subsidies. (This group is probably well–off and can afford the insurance.) Maher asked “What about the 5 million people who are not getting the Medicare coverage that the new law provides for them because the governors of their states have refused to take the federal money that will pay for it 100% for the first three years and 90% thereafter.  Erlich gave the “where-does-it-end” argument.  He said, “It was supposed to be just for poor women with children, not for everyone." Begala showed him up by informing him that it is not just poor people who suffer. Hospitals suffer because they are stuck with the bill for uninsured people who can’t pay.

The mid-show guest was the very talented and charming actor, Wendell Pierce, who appears on the HBO drama Treme and on The Micheal J. Fox show. He spoke with heart about New Orleans. After Katrina, some people had said we should let the city go. Wendell says that if anyone dares to sa let this cit go,"we will kick their ass." 

Pierce spoke about his new venture, Sterling Foods, bringing fresh affordable food to the inner city. Each store employs about 50 to 60 people from the community it serves paying them good wages. They even have the Sterling Shuttle—customers who arrive by bus get a ride home if they spend $50 or more.  He compared his store’s policies to Costco. Costco pays good wages, provides healthcare.  “If everyone did the right thing like Costco, we wouldn’t need government regulations.”  This is the “Amen-Brother” moment of the week.

Pierce’s comments wee a perfect segue to New Rules which began with Maher saying that the Wal-Mart Smiley Face is laughing at us. Wal-Mart was conducting a food drive for its own employees asking other employees to donate. “When you sell food and your employees don’t have enough food …”  Another “Amen-Brother” moment. The family that owns Wal-Mart is the one of the richest families in America—they should be donating to their employees who are in need or better yet, paying them a living age so they can buy their own food. (See Wal-Mart: The High Cost of Low Price.)  

The final New Rules segment compared Democrats to Republicans, and JFK to Reagan. Maher said, “We have gays in the military; they have gays in the airport restroom.”  The gist of his riff was that for Republicans, Reagan is their Kennedy. Then he made a bunch of comparisons to show how cool Kennedy was (and still is) and how Reagan was already way past is prime in the 1980’s, the era of “greed is good.” One example:  “Kennedy is James Bond; Reagan is Matlock.” He ended with, “You can call someone ‘your Kennedy’ but it will never make it true because ‘our Kennedy’ is Kennedy.  Another “Amen, Brother” moment.

  

Please share this review and recap on Facebook Google Circles, Twitter.

Please ""follow" so you don't miss any of my reviews.

And remember to click the shopping cart above to order from amazon.com

 I love to see comments. Click "Comments" below and tell me what you think.

Remember, if you are buying something from amazon.com, please use the amazon.com links in this post. It costs you nothing extra and I earn a small commission. it's so nice to know that readers appreciate my posts. Thank you.

P.S. You don't have to buy the items I have linked to.  You can buy anything you want, and I will get credit for it because you used my link.