Real Time with Bill Maher #344 02/20/15 "Pardon Me"

by Catherine Giordano


Pardon me, but I have to inform you about a few rather ugly things in the news this week, and I’m not even talking about terrorism (Islamic or otherwise. Bill Maher and his guests discussed some of these despicable events on Real Time with Bill Maher episode 344, which aired on February 20, 2015. 


I have some giuliani on my shoe.

Giuliani: I’ve got some giuliani on my shoe.

I have to lead with Rudy Giuliani for his despicable comments this week; the ones that he should be asking pardon for, but instead he’s proud of them. He said:

“I do not believe — and I know this is a horrible thing to say — but I do not believe that the president loves America. He doesn’t love you. And he doesn’t love me. He wasn’t brought up the way you were brought up and I was brought up through love of this country.” 

Giuliani knows it is horrible, he said it—in public—anyway, and not only does he not apologize for it, he’s proud of it. 

I can’t look at that man’s face with thinking about something that needs to be scraped off the bottom of my shoe. He disgusts me that much. 

Remember santorum. Google it. Rick Santorum said some despicable things about gays, and as a result a campaign was launched to create a neologism making his name mean a disgusting substance. It came up as the first listing for many years, and it is still on the first page.

I propose that we do the same for Giuliani. As in: 

 

Pardon me, I’ve got to scrape this giuliani off my shoe.

Yuck, it looks like I’ve stepped in some giuliani.

 

Fran Leibowitz:
Tales From A Broad

Panel member, Fran Lebowitz, is a writer for Vanity Fair, humorist, public speaker, and author of several books including Tales from A Broad: An Unreliable Memoir. Lebowitz is particular noted for writing about New York City. She offered the best explanation for why Giuliani said this. She said that Giuliani earns his living now as a public speaker, and smears against Obama is what his groups want to hear. Maybe his bookings were slipping so he needed to get himself some publicity. I hope it backfires on him. After all, who wants giuliani on their speaker’s platform? It’s bad enough when you get it on your shoe.

Maher’s explanation was a joke about how Giuliani wanted love from Obama, in the carnal way. As part of a joke in his monologue, Maher read from a book he said that Giuliani had written—“50 Shades of Black.” In one scene Giuliani is alone in the oval office with Obama when Obama “reaches into his pants and pulls out his long hard black…veto pen, and waves it in Giuliani’s face. (Pardon me for repeating that very-off-color joke.)

Remember Giuliani’s short-lived campaign for the Republican nomination for president, Joe Biden said, Giuliani’s entire campaign was “a noun, a verb, and 9-11. Giuliani is still at it. He trades on the fact that he was mayor of NYC when 9-ll happened. He ignores how he was responsible for some of the deaths because he insisted on having the command center in the World Trade Center when the people responsible for security of the city wanted it to be in Brooklyn. As a result there was no command center that day. Why did he put the command Center in the World Trade Center? He did it so he would have a convenient place for trysts with his mistress.   

Giuliani is also always talking about how much he loves America. Maher said, “If America was a woman he’d move her into the mayor’s mansion while his wife was still there. (Giuliani actually did have his mistress come to live at the mayor’s mansion while his wife was still living there.) 

[If you like me have a little trouble with the spelling, remember Giuliani puts I (himself) before U (you).]  

New Rules: Doobie Brothers

Obama as a young man

In the final New Rules segment, Doobie Brothers, Maher took on some more despicable behavior from politicians. He began by saying how stupid it was to ask potential candidates about their use of marijuana. It was shocking when Bill Clinton admitted to it; now it would be shocking if a candidate denied it. 

 “Everyone from Bill Clinton to Newt Gingrich, Al Gore to Rick Santorum, John Kerry to Sarah Palin — they have all fessed up,” he said. “Come on, when even Ted Cruz cops to it? That one surprised me, I must admit. I thought, ‘Who would get high with Ted Cruz?’”  

Now it is about the hypocrisy. Jeb Bush got singled out for being particularly hypocritical. Jeb not only smoked pot, he was a dealer in his prep school.           Jeb dismissed it by saying that he was “a cynical little turd at a cynical school.”  

This self-admitted turd is still a cynical little turd. When Jeb was governor of Florida, he instituted jail-only policies—no treatment-- for drug offenses — except in one case. Maher said, ““Except when it was your daughter, when you made an exception,” Wow, that sounds like something a cynical turd would do.” We better be careful--if Jeb gets into the oval office, he’ll be getting giuliani all over the rug.

Maher reminded us that President Obama not only smoked pot as a young man, he looked cool doing it. These presidential candidates never went to jail for the drug crimes they committed. (It helps to have “parents who are white and well-connected”, Maher said.)

Maher said that it’s time for Obama to call an end to the war on drugs and to give a pardon to all the people in prison for non-violent marijuana offenses.

Oscars


Oscar

In the monologue Maher said that the Academy Awards were about “movies you haven’t seen with British actors you don’t know.” Maher went on to say that each group was rooting for a different movie. The blacks are rooting for Selma, the gays are rooting for Imitation, and the Catholic Church is rooting for Boyhood. 

Later in the show, Maher mentioned that the Best Picture Oscar usually goes to the movie about a cause. He said a sure winner would be “a movie about a slave with AIDS during the Holocaust.”  

Maher did the comedy segment about the Oscars. The nominees all get swag bags. This year the swag is estimated to be worth $160,000. Maher showed us some of the actual items in the actual items in the swag bag and since the Oscars coincides with the Daytona 500 this year, he joked about the counterpart item in the Daytona 500 swag bag. For instance, at the Oscars you get a fancy face cream; at the Daytona 500 you get a jar of Bubba’s mayonnaise. The Oscars gives you an expensive weight loss treatment; the Daytona 500 gives you a bag of meth. 

The Issues

Pardon me, for even bringing these up again. I know you probably feel as much despair as I do whenever these subjects come up. 

Maher mentioned “Millennial Anger” saying that young people today are blaming the prior generations for the mess they will inherit. I can’t say I blame them--we have created problems (like ISIS) and ignored others (like climate change. 

Climate Change

Bill Nye, scientist, educator, humorist, and author of several books (including Bill Nye's Comic History of England and Undeniable: Evolution and the Science of Creation) said we have to stop talking about “climate skeptics.” The correct term is “climate denier.”

Panelist, Elahe Izadi, Journalist and reporter for The Washington Post said “Half of the Republicans now believe it.” Maher said, But not the feces-throwers and flat-earthers who vote in the primaries” which makes it political suicide for the Republican leadership refuses to acknowledge climate change.

The Mid East

We wouldn’t be having the ISIS problem if we had not invaded Iraq and removed Saddam and his Sunni regime. Panelist Rob Reiner said that now those Sunnis are ISIS fighting a sectarian was with the Shiites and using terrorism as revenge against the west. (Reiner is an actor, director, producer, and activist. He directed This is Spinal Tap. He played Meathead, Archie Bunker’s son-in-law, in the television series All in the Family.)  

Maher said that the Arab nations must put “the boots on the ground.” He pointed out that there is a precedent for this. They all banded together to fight Israel. Now they need to band together to fight ISIS.  



Aloe Blacc

Music royalties

Perhaps the issue of writers of music not being very poorly paid for their work is not as grave as the other issues, but it is important to the writers. The interview was with musician Aloe Blacc. (His newest release is Lift Your Spirit.) Blacc says that he wants “control over who sings my songs and the current copyright laws don’t allow that.   

Maher said, “If the world is going to shit, on the way, I want to listen to good music.”  

Pardon me

Pardon me for not really doing justice to the Real Time with Bill Maher show. This review and recap has to leave so much out. I’ll get to some of the bits I omitted in other posts that I will do later in the week. 

Bill Maher’s Guests, episode 344, aired on February 20, 2015

 

Bill Nye: Scientist, educator, humorist, author of several books including Bill Nye's Comic History of England and Undeniable: Evolution and the Science of Creation

Rob Reiner: Actor, director, producer, activist. He directed This is Spinal Tap. He played Meathead, Archie Bunker’s son-in-law, in the television series  All in the Family.

Aloe Blacc: Rapper, musician. His newest release is Lift Your Spirit

Fran Lebowitz: Writer for Vanity Fair, public speaker, author of several books including Tales From A Broad: An Unreliable Memoir

Elahe Izadi: Journalist, reporter for The Washington Post

 

Bill Maher and Bill Nye

 

 

Real Time with Bill Maher #307 Bon Bons Mots

Bon Bons Mots

by Catherine Giordano

Bill Maher and Bill Nye

Real Time with Bill Maher, #307, aired on Valentine’s Day, February 14, 2014.  The hour breezed by.

It was a bit of a love-fest—the guests did not disagree with each other very much, and when they did everyone remained calm. Here's my review, recap, and commentary on the show.

In “New Rules,” Maher did a bit called “Zero Dark Chocolate.”  He began by saying “Politicians are like a box of chocolates. The Democrats are too often soft and gooey and the Republicans are mostly nuts.” I’ll take my cues from this and deliver up some Valentine’s Day bon-bons, a Whitman’s Sampler of the bons-mots served up on the show.

In the opening monologue, Bill Maher said that 58 million pounds of chocolate will be consumed on Valentine’s Day. Then he added “And one small diet Coke.”

In the monologue, Maher talked about Ted Cruz. With a nod to the blizzards occurring all over the country, Maher pointed out that both Ted Cruz and snow are white, but the snow eventually goes away.

The interview was with Bill Nye (The Science Guy), the author of numerous books that explain science to the layman, including Consider the Following.  Nye tried to explain how global warming leads to climate change which leads to weather. Hot air rising causes changes in the atmosphere—that’s why you have been hearing about the polar vortex. 

Nye also talked about his recent debate with Ken Ham, the creationist, about evolution.  Nye said that it is OK to say that we don’t know the answer to everything.  But whenever he did, Ham replied, “There’s a book.”  Nye said he had to resist the urge to slap his hand to his forehead in a gesture of disgust so many times during that debate. 

The panel included Dylan Ratigan, a former host of MSNBC, author of Greedy Bastards, and currently a sustainability entrepreneur; Jeremy Scahill, author of the best-selling book, Blackwater and writer/producer of the new documentary, Dirty Wars; and Eric Klinenberg, a sociologist and author of the book, Going Solo: The Extraordinary Rise and Surprising Appeal of Living Alone.  (This sounds like a book I want to read, but it was not discussed on the show.)

The panelists were not happy about the pending merger of Comcast and Time Warner/Brighthouse.  It will reduce competition.  Klinenberg pointed out that cable fees keep going up, forcing people of modest means to cut themselves off from the national conversation. Scahill described Fox News as the television station that thinks Obama is “the black Marxist Manchurian candidate who wants to resurrect Chairman Mao.”

On the subject of the nation’s crumbling infra-structure, Maher said that the real bridge scandal is that the George Washington Bridge is 80 years old and needs $1 billon in repairs.  Rattigan said that most of our infrastructure, like our power-grid, is pre-Eisenhower.  Obama recognizing that there is a lot of work that needs to be done and a lot of people looking for work and proposed a jobs bill that would address these two problems.  Of course, the Republicans blocked it. Klinenberg said “the Republican idea of infra-structure is a fence on the border.”

During the discussion about drone strikes against suspected terrorists, we got some disagreement among the panelists. This is a difficult one—Bill Maher said that if someone is plotting terrorist acts against America, even if he/she is a citizen, we can’t just do nothing.  Scahill, had a different point of view and thought the drone attacks were unlawful.  Where are the safeguards to protect people who may be innocent?  Where do you draw the line and who gets to draw that line?

Did you know that February 15, 2014 is “National Youth Enrollment Day” for the Affordable Care Act.  Bill had some spoof posters featuring celebrities for the Day. Here’s a few of them:

Miley Cyrus:        There is a 1 in 3 chance you are currently touching something I licked.

Sarah Palin:        Traumatic brain injury can strike anyone.          

Bob Costas:        When Putin poisons you contact lenses, will you be covered?

George Zimmerman: I still walk the streets. Any questions?

 The mid-show guest was Mayim Bailak. She has a PhD in neuroscience and is an actress. She plays Amy on The Big Bang Theory TV series.  She is also a vegan, and the author of a cookbook Mayim’s Vegan Table.   Cancer rates are increasing and there must be prevention and not just treatment. We can pay for organic food or we can pay for healthcare.  What role should the government play in regulating the food we eat.

Ratigan spoke about cities of the future being “green” cities. Louisiana is on the forefront of this movement. Texas, because of the drought they are experiencing is interested.

It seems that Philip Seymour Hoffman, the actor who recently died, kept a diary. Some of his diary entries have been published.  Klinenberg said “There is a feeding frenzy on the internet; we no longer have a news cycle, we have a news cyclone.”

Michael Sam, the football player, has come out publically as gay.  Maher said that the rednecks now know that they have been following and cheering for a gay man, “just like they do at the mega-church every Sunday morning.”

In NewRules, Bill spoke about how we like our politicians to be “new.”  If you are new on the political scene, people don’t know your negatives yet.  He said, “Chris Christie should have run in 2012 when he still had that new candidate smell… Now he is just 350 pounds of toast.”

Don’t forget the “Flip a District” campaign.  Send in your nomination for the congress person from a gerrymandered district who you think most needs to be retired. The Bill Maher show will do everything possible to help flip the district.

Noticed the show did not end with the “True Confessions” segment where the guests hold up signs making phony, but funny, personal confessions.  I wonder if it has been dropped?

So that’s the bon-bons, and the bons mots and now it is time for the bye-byes.

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HBO “Real Time with Bill Maher” #293 “It’s da Bomb!”

by Catherine Giordano

It’s da bomb on HBO’s “Real Time with Bill Maher,” episode 293, aired on September 13, 2013.   Bill opened his monologue talking about bombing Syria and ended New Rules with more of the same.

Bill said, “America always needs a new war.”  He also said “A Republican president could get a Republican Congress to bomb Sea World.”  Bill was referring to the habit of Republicans being against whatever Obama is for. “They always have to do the opposite of Obama, but it is hard now since Obama changes his mind every day.” Bill said, that “Syria is turning Republicans into the peacenik party.”

And it’s true. Bill observed that “when Bush wanted to bomb a mid-east country it was great, when Obama wants to do it, he is mega Hitler on acid.”

Bill said that we needed a word to describe changing one’s mind because Obama agrees with you.  He suggested. “black track,” “pulling a one-hatey,” and “Kenyan Boom-a-rang.”

Personally, I don’t know what is the best thing to do about Syria, but I know doing nothing is not an option. It reminds me of Chamberlain and Hitler’s Germany. It reminds me of the gas chambers. You give a dictator an inch and he takes a mile. I agree with Obama that if we let this go, Assad and other dictators will be emboldened to go further and further. I’m glad Obama is strong enough to change his course of action when the situation changes. I’m glad he is not too proud to work with Russia’s Putin.

The panel included Matt Taibbi, editor of Rolling Stone and author of Griftopia, Zanny Minton Beddoes, editor of The Economist, and Michael Steele, former chairman of the GOP (who appears in the documentary Fear of a Black Republican), and now heads up a group called "Purple Nation Solutions."  No bomb-throwing with this panel—it was an hour of civilized discussion.

Steele sure has calmed down a lot since he stopped being a spokesperson for the Republican party. He no longer shouts, and he doesn’t have to defend ridiculous positions. He confirms for me that many Republicans don’t actually believe the nonsense they talk, they say it because they think it is good politics.

Steele said that Obama was “all over the map” on Syria.  Beddoes said that Obama was “flexible.”   Like me, she believes that “international laws matter.”  

Putin wrote an op ed in “The New York Times” and everyone is talking about it.  Bill said, “Putin lecturing us on democracy is like getting parenting notes from Billy Ray Cyrus.”  

The mid-show comedy skit sent up the letter.  The parody letter began with “Dear Fat-Asses” coasted to “How can you handle Syria when you can’t even handle Hannah Montana” and ened with “We have Chernobyl, you have Detroit.”  

In New Rules, Bill said that right after 9/11, Howard Stern said on his radio show that we should bomb a Muslim country, any Muslim country.”  Bill said Stern want us to choose who to bomb by taking a map and throw a dart at it.  He added, “Apparently George W. Bush was listening, because that is exactly what he did.” Bill concluded, “People in other countries don’t act like this….. if they did we’d bomb them.”

The panel discussed Republican’s sudden distaste for war. Taibbi said that “Republicans are looking for a new ideology”.  Steele said, “They are moving way from neo-cons.”

The interview was with Dr. Edwin Lyman.  It was about the damaged nuclear reactors in Japan. They are leaking scary amounts of radiation into the ocean each day and no one knows what to do about it.. Although some deranged Republicans go around saying radiation is good for you an example of my previous observation that many Republicans think it is good politics to say stupid things, Dr. Lyman said, “There are no safe doses of radiation.”

There was some talk about gun control.  Taibbi said, “This country is crazy for guns.”  It seems two state reps in Colorado were recalled because they voted for background checks and limiting a magazine to 15 bullets.  In Ohio, permits to carry in public were granted to three blind people. In some places in the South, there are laws saying that you must own a gun. Crazy? Crazy doesn’t begin to describe it.

The special guest was Bill Nye, the Science Guy, author of Consider the Following.  He railed against anti-science attitudes, especial teaching creationism in the schools.  He told a story abbot how he explained in a lecture that the moon was not a source of light.  Evidently, the Bible says differently and this caused some members of the audience to leave in a huff.  Nye was very funny as he patiently explained that the moon “shines” because it reflects the light of the sun and that the moon is in the sky all day.  He said we spend a billion and half dollars on planetary science and consider it too much money, but we spend that much in Afghanistan in twenty minutes. The floods in Colorado are showing the devastation that climate change can wreak.  Bill said, “I don’t want to save the planet, I want to save the planet for me.”  In other words, floods and hurricanes and tornados aren’t bad for the planet per se, they are bad for human life on the planet.

 

The conversation turned to the economy. Taibbi said that “too big to fail” was not only still a problem, but it has gotten worse.  Beddoes added, that we have “essentially two different societies and we can’t change it with a few changes on Wall Street.  Bill Nye said , “That someone has to make something.” Wealth just can’t be about manipulating money on Wall Street.  

So take your pick from the little shop of horrors--Wars, bombs, radiation, poison gas, climate-change, economic collapse, rampant ignorance, nuts with guns, and more.  The human race has a lot of bombs in the air.

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