Real Time with Bill Maher #338 01/9/15 “No Joking”

by Catherine Giordano


My French is not too good, but I think it says
"700 lashes if you don't die laughing."
'Charia" means "Sharia."
"Hebdo" means "weekly."

Real Time with Bill Maher began the new season with a bang. Maher’s theme was “No joking” and he had some excellent guests to amplify his points. The terrific guests were Chris Hardwick, Jay Leno, Paul Begala, and Salmon Rushdie. Carly Fiorina was also present.

Monologue

Bill Maher began his monologue saying that free speech and joking were under attack. First the North Koreans did not want any joking about their glorious leader and the movie, The Interview” which featured a plot about some bunglers attempting to assassinate him, got pulled from theater chains. And now the much more serious case of the offices of a satirical magazine in France, Charlie Hebdo, being attacked by Islamic murderers because of satirical cartoons about Mohammed (another glorious leader who should never be insulted). Eight members of the staff were killed in the attack.

Maher commended the remaining members of the staff who have proclaimed that the next edition of the magazine will come out on time with a million extra copies printed. He compared the bravery of Charlie Hebdo to the cowardice of Sony. He offered mock congratulations to Sony for “putting up less resistance than the French.” He then said that the proper response to terrorists was “in the immortal words of Dick Cheney as spoken on the floor of the Senate, ‘Go f*@k yourself.’”

America is supporting France during this crisis, so much so, Maher said, “that the Senate wants to change ‘freedom fries” back to “French fries.’”

Interview: Chris Hardwick on Cyber Space

Chris Hardwick

Maher did the interview with Chris Hardwick, a comedian, actor, screenwriter, musician, podcaster, television host for @Midnight on Comedy Central, and author of The Nerdist Way: How to Reach the Next Level in Real Life).

Chris talked about hacking and about keeping your data secure. Have secure passwords. Don’t use public wi-fi. Never say anything in email or a text that you wouldn’t shout out loud in the middle of Times Square.

Hardwick said there was a lot of cyber crime in Russia because I lot of people have math and computer skills, but no job. He said not all cyber crime was done for monetary gain. Cyber terrorism in support of a cause. Hard core black hat hacking is done just because some people “want to burn stuff down”—they get their jollies by destroying things.

World reaction to Charlie Hebdo

Hacking can be a two-way street. A hacker group known as “Anonymous” (not sure what category they are in) has announced that will destroy all Islamic terrorist websites.

There has been universal condemnation of the attack. Even Islamic groups have not remained silent this time; they have spoken out to condemn it.

Maher said, referring to Islam, “Where there is this many bad apples, something is wrong with the orchard.”

Salman Rushdie

Salmon Rushdie, author of several books including Joseph Anton: A Memoir (about the time he spent in hiding because there was a fatwa calling for his murder due to his book, The Satanic Verses: A Novel) and his latest novel, Shame: A Novel, made news with his statements. Literally, I saw a clip from the Real time on TV the next day featuring Rushdie. He said that most of the Islamic terror groups were not about the west, but were part of attempts to “seize power in the Islamic world.” They want to return to the 7^th century, to the time when the Prophet lived.

Rushdie said that the best thing we can do is “don’t give a f*@king inch.” He objected to the “but brigade.” People who say they are for free speech …but they should have been more respectful, more sensitive, whatever.

Maher replied, “To a coward courage always looks like stupidity.” I put that quote in bold type because it is so good. Somebody needs to put it on a tee shirt, with “Je suis Charlie Hebdo” on the other side.

Rushdie said “We have to rock the boat. It’s our function. What would a respectful political cartoon look like?”

Read more about this discussion and see the YouTube video: Maher, Rushdie, and Charlie

Mid-show comedy Segment: Other Movies Sony Pulled

Maher showed us some movie posters for fake moves that might cause enough controversy and would have to be pulled. Some of them were:

• Tyler Perry in Medea Gets Choked Out by a Cop
• Mel Gibson in The Girl with the Swastika Tattoo
• Ray Rice in Black Chick Down
• Bill Cosby in While You were Sleeping

 

Jay Leno

Jay Leno
The mid-show guest was Jay Leno. Now that Jay Leno is no longer hosting The Tonight Show, (See Behind the Curtain: An Insider’s View of Jay Leno’s Tonight Show by Dave Berg) he has more time to devote to his cars. He is doing two shows about cars: Garage which can be seen on YouTube and a car show for CNBC.

Maher asked Leno, “If you had to choose between jokes and cars which would you choose?” Leno said, “Jokes because the jokes pay for the cars.”

The Republican contenders for 2016

Maher said that Mitt Romney will run again.



Paul Begala

Paul Begala, Democratic campaign strategist and author of many books on politics including his newest one assessing the possible 2016 candidates, 2016 Scouting Report: American Bridge's Media Guide to the Republican Presidential Bench,

thought this was wonderful news. He said, “I have a whole warehouse of old attack ads.” He added, “The Republicans always choose the oldest white guy next in line.” “Bush, Christie, Romney, the potty-trained Republicans.” Sorry Paul, I have to disagree with you about Christie. There are a few lessons he failed to learn in kindergarten.

Economic News

The economic news has been so good. The Dow has tripled since Obama took office. Unemployment is down to normal levels. Gas is cheap. Maher showed clips of Republicans making campaign promises on these issues and then said, “Obama has achieved all the Republican goals.

Carly Fiorina, former business executive, failed U.S. Senate candidate (R CA), author of Tough Choices: A Memoir and possible contender for the Republican nomination for president in 2016, (Yes, really—she says may run.) had to be the ants at the picnic. She put on her sourest face and nagging like a buttinski mother-in-law started ranting about poverty rates and income inequality.

Maher scoffed at her incredulously. “You care about income inequality!?” It turns out she vociferously says she does. Not that she has a plan to fix it, but just as something she could use to beat up Obama.BTW, Obama has a plan--raise the minimum wage. I wish Maher had called her fluff and asked her for her opinion of Obama’s plan to reduce income equality by raising the minimum wage.

Begala said, “We have the best economy in the world because we have a President who knows what he is doing.” Fiorina was screaming now, “Income inequality, Income inequality.” She was like a jack in the box—you slam down the lid, but she just keeps popping up. Oh, yes, Carly, please run for President. We need the jokes.

New Rules: Policeman’s Bawl

Drop the binky.

The final New Rules segment was about the New York Police Department and New York Mayor de Blasio. What did de Blasio do to raise the ire of the police? He said, “Many families wonder if their child is safe.” (de blasio has a black wife and black son.)

Maher accused the NYPD of suffering from PMS. “We have to tell them that we love them or they throw a tantrum.” Maher said with biting humor, “Next, it will be a baby with a rattle. He pointed the rattle at me. Drop the f*@king binky.”  

“Police say they are going by the book. Who wrote the book? George Zimmerman?” (BTW, Zimmerman just got arrested again—domestic violence against a girl friend again. How desperate do you have to be to be Zimmerman’s girlfriend?)   

Maher said the police unions were behind the bad behavior of the police. (In addition to openly disrespecting the mayor and turning a funeral into a political protest, they are engaging in a work stoppage.) The police union is supporting this bad behavior and Maher called them out for giving unions a bad name.   

Then he praised unions saying that when one in three workers belonged to a union, we had a strong middle class. Now that only one in ten belongs to a union, the middle class is sliding down the economic scale. 

“It's not hard to do the math. Wait it is, because we can’t fire teachers because of the teachers union.”

 
It ended there.

First Maher disses unions, then he praises unions, and then he disses unions again. Where’s the joke? Maybe there was no joking because everybody on the writers’ staff left their brains on vacation. It’s the first show of the new season—get back on your game! End with a joke that is funny. End with a joke that has some bite. End with a joke that would make Charlie Hebdo proud.

Real Time with Bill Maher #327 August 1, 2014 Frat Party

This magazine cover is from 1969,
but seems perfectly relevant today.

by Catherine Giordano

You know the last day of school or the last day at work just before a big four-day weekend. Everyone is there physically, but there is a giddy feeling in the air and, mentally, everyone is already on vacation. That was the feeling on Real Time with Bill Maher, episode 327, which aired on August 1, 2014.  

The “vacation” feeling, together with the fact that there were only men on the show, is why I named this review and recap of the show “Frat Party.” (Representative Barbara Lee (D, CA), author of Renegade for Peace and Justice: A Memoir of Political and Personal Courage, was supposed to be on the show, but the House of Representatives had to delay their own five-week vacation in order to take some votes that they should have taken earlier in the week, so Ms. Lee had to cancel her appearance.)

Douglas Brinkley, professor of history at Rice University, fellow at the non-partisan think tank, The James Baker Institute for Public Policy,  and author of several books including his latest book The Nixon Tapes: 1971-1972 was also supposed to be on the show.  I can't find out why he wasn't on the show--maybe he went on vacation.)

 

New Rules: Slack Like Me

 

Even the Final New Rules segment was about vacation.  Maher began by reporting that the United States scores 17^th on the world happiness index. “Why?” Maher asks. Because we work too much and too hard. Or, as Maher put it, “Our balance of working to living is off.”

  

For example, “Half the country is fighting to keep a job working in a coal mine, a job so bad that when we want to describe a job that is bad we say, "It is like working in a coal mine.’”

  

[I know working in a coal mine and dying from black lung disease or a cave-in is a tradition for some families in some parts of the country, but give it up already. I like those commercials for Siemans on TV that show these happy people in Iowa working to make wind turbines. They look so happy and so proud…and so clean. Those are the jobs of the future. Coal miners, listen up: The sooner the coal industry is gone, the better it will be for you.] 

 

He blamed our workaholic ways on religion. "The Catholic Church says God loves poverty. That is why he made so much of it. Then the Protestants came along and said God wants everyone to be rich …or die trying.”

  

Next Maher went on a rant about the Cadillac commercial from a couple of years ago where a man berates the people of other countries for taking it easy, but here in America we work hard, so we can buy Cadillacs. Bill said that Americans are working hard so they can die from a heart attack at 50, while Europeans take a siesta in the afternoon. You know what that means. They are having sex in the afternoon and we are not.

 

Maher berated lottery winners who collect their winnings and then say they are going back to their job. "What a waste of good luck”, he said. He said that Aussies are always the life of the party—why—because they don’t have jobs.

  

CLICK HERE

Then Maher triumphantly announced that he was taking August off.  And part of September too. He won’t be back until September 12. I felt like this whole new rule was just about Maher feeling guilty about going on vacation. (Fess up, Bill, if you won the lottery you'd still do this show and your personal appearances, too.)

 

Here I am on Saturday morning, typing away at my computer instead of enjoying the beautiful Florida sunshine.  But I like writing, and if I went outside, I’d probably be weeding the yard. So staying inside and writing is a vacation. By the way, Florida is a wonderful place for a vacation. Pick up a travel guide, and come on down. 

  

Chris Hardwick, mid-show guest

 

Spend an hour with the mid show guest, Chris Hardwick, a comedian, actor, screenwriter, musician, podcaster, television host for @Midnight on Comedy Central (and Talking Bad and Taking Dead), author of The Nerdist Way: How to Reach the Next Level (In Real Life) and you might feel like you need a vacation. He has a lot of manic energy, but he’s so funny, so delightful, so affable, that you won’t want to leave.

 

Maher said that Chris was the head of the nerd empire. Hardwick instantly refused the title. “Nerd power will take me down. Nerds understand something down to the molecular level, and then they use that information against people. I am just a servant of the nerd army.” Talented, good-looking, and modest too. If Hardwick is a nerd, he will change the image of nerds everywhere.

 

Hardwick spoke about social media. “You are interfacing with a machine, with text; you are not looking in people’s eyes. The problem with social media is, one, you can be anonymous and therefore not have to take responsibility and, two, it is an emotion in the moment. A minute later, you don’t feel that way anymore and you don’t even know why you said it.”

 

CLICK HERE

Maher brought up “FakeBook” and “OK Stupid” who were doing Dr.Mengele-like experiments. Facebook decided to put only negative posts into the news feed of some people and OK Cupid sent people random matches. Why? Evidently, just because they could. Gee, if you can’t trust social media, who can you trust?

 

Hardwick explained that the internet is used as a ‘vessel of anger.”  He warned that since you can’t read emotion, you should try to understand before you respond with anger. Maybe that innocent-sounding remark actually is actually just an innocent remark and not meant to be sarcastic. So Chris Hardwick is a nice guy too.

 

He’d be a great asset at a frat party.

 

Ralph Nader, interview guest

 

You probably won’t find Ralph Nader, political activist, former candidate (and spoiler) in the presidential election of 2000, and author of several books including his latest book (with Luke Nichter) Unstoppable: The Emerging Left-Right Alliance to Dismantle the Corporate State. Maher began the interview by mentioning the time on is show that Maher, along with Michael Moore, were down on their knees, begging Nader to get out of the 2000 race. 

 

Nader didn’t get out and he still refuses to take responsibility for having inflicted George W. Bush upon the nation. He still maintains that it doesn’t make any difference who is elected because Republicans and Democrats are the same. My response is: Yes, they are the same, in the same way that an ant and a tiger are the same. They will both bite you, but would you rather be bitten by an ant or a tiger? Democrats are far from perfect-they are pawns of Wall Street too, but they avoid the worse excesses and they do some good.

 

Bill Maher made the point too. “What if we had Mitt-McCain for president, a president who thinks he will inherit his own planet with Lindsey Graham?”  Maher went on, “We’d have Ted Nugent on the Supreme Court, we’d be at war with nine countries, the auto industry would have been allowed to die, and tax rates for the rich would be 3%.”

 

Maher and Nader spoke about President Obama calling out “corporate deserters”—companies that take everything that America offers (subsidies, research, protection) to succeed and then want to take the money and run. They buy a small company in another country where taxes are low, and then claim that their major business here in the United States is a subsidiary of the small company in order to avoid paying taxes in the United States. A Republican president would be trying to make it easier for corporations to do this, unlike President Obama, who wants to stop this practice.

  

And that, Mr. Nader, is the difference between Democrats and Republicans.  And that, Mr. Nader, is why I will never forgive you for your ego-trip/publicity stunt in 2000. (I keep typing “nadir” instead of “Nader.” A Freudian slip?)

 

The panel

 

The three men on the panel were:

 

Andrew Ross Sorkin, journalist, financial columnist for The New York Times, co-anchor of CNBC's Squawk Box, and author of Too Big to Fail: The Inside Story of How Wall Street and Washington Fought to Save the Financial System--and Themselves

 

Reza Aslan: scholar of religion, associate professor of creative writing at the University of California, and author of several books including Zealot: The Life and Times of Jesus of Nazareth 

 

Doug Heye, Eric Cantor’s deputy chief of staff for communications. (Since Eric Cantor lost his primary and announced that he was quitting instead of serving his full term, maybe Doug Heye considers his appearance on the show to be a job interview. He doesn’t have a book to promote.)

 

Everyone got along well and pretty much agreed on the issues. (That’s the frat party aspect again—they sounded like guys sitting around the frat house discussing things over a few beers.)  

Economy

 

Conservative Doug Heye had to admit that we have seen some good job growth, and then added,  “But it is not good enough.” We have all heard that ‘but” so many times, so Maher’s replied “Blah Blah Blah.” (Later Maher told Heye he was just looking for a reason to hate Obama. Heye denied this and then denied his denial by saying, "I don't have to look far." I need to think that part about everyone getting along well. Maybe they didn't get along all that well.)

 

Israel-Hamas

 

The panel was pretty much in agreement that maybe the United States should stop giving money to other counties (including Israel) so that they can use that money to buy weapons from the United States. They did disagree though about blaming Israel for the fighting with Hamas.

 

Aslan thought that since Israel is a democracy, it must be held to a higher standard.  But he also noted that even Arab states headed by tyrants and dictators don’t like Hamas. Maher pointed out that when Arab countries get to vote for their leaders, we get the Muslim Brotherhood and not democracy. 

 

Marijuana, Drugs, Redeem Act

 

They were all back in agreement when the topic turned to drug laws and incarceration rates—they agreed that they were stupid. Sorkin said that it was ridiculous that marijuana was a “schedule A” drug with heroin, while meth and coke were “schedule B.”  Maher talked about Senators Cory Booker (D, NJ) and Rand Paul (R, KY) teaming up for the “Redeem Act”—an act that, if passed, would give young people convicted of drug offenses a chance to wipe their record clean.

 

In Florida, where I live, we will be voting on medical marijuana in November.  Some polls show 90% approval. So perhaps, the Redeem Act stands a chance of becoming law.

 

Mid-show Comedy Segment

For the last show before the August vacation, it’s traditional to do a segment about the headlines we might see while the show is on hiatus. Here are a few.

Maylasian Airlines Lands One 

Supreme Court Rules Female Orgasm Unconstitutional

GM Recalls Three Remaining Cars

See the details and a video clip at Headline Predictions.

Sharknado

Maher did a New Rules segment about Sharknado 2. He said that will have to try harder to be stupid because, "Have you ever seen Heaven is for Real?"

 

I’ll do a full recap of this bit later on my other blog, Bill Maher Rules (for real)   

Real Time on Hiatus

 

CLICK HERE

This is the last new ‘Real Time” until September 12.
  

What will I do with my Saturday mornings without a new review to write? What will I do with my Friday nights? Does anyone know of a frat party I could go to?  Maybe I should just watch the movie.

Thank you for liking, sharing, and tweeting this post.
Also, thanks for using my amazon links to buy stuff.

 

Read what Bill Maher said about the border crisis: Border Crossings


 Bill Maher’s Guests #327 August 1, 2014

Ralph Nader: political activist, former candidate (and spoiler) in the presidential election of 2000, author of several books including his latest book (with Luke Nichter) Unstoppable: The Emerging Left-Right Alliance to Dismantle the Corporate State 

Reza Aslan: scholar of religion, associate professor of creative writing at the University of California, author of several books including Zealot: The Life and Times of Jesus of Nazareth

Andrew Ross Sorkin: journalist, financial columnist for The New York Times, co-anchor of CNBC's Squawk Box, author of Too Big to Fail: The Inside Story of How Wall Street and Washington Fought to Save the Financial System--and Themselves

 

Doug Heye: Eric Cantor’s deputy chief of staff for communications

Chris Hardwick: Comedian, actor, screenwriter, musician, podcaster, television host for @Midnight on Comedy Central, author of The Nerdist Way: How to Reach the Next Level (In Real Life)