HBO Real Time with Bill Maher #274 “Holes”

by Catherine Giordano

The March 8, 2013 episode of HBO’s “Real Time with Bill Maher” (#274) was a so-so episode with a few good moments. I’m titling the show “Holes” primarily because Bill asked “Are Americans assholes?”  Of course, Bill answers his own question. and the answer is “Yes”

Americans are assholes because they like looking down on other people, like the people on reality shows, and they like seeing people hurt and maimed. That’s why liberals watch Honey Boo Boo.  Now, here comes the joke: Conservatives watch Honey Boo Boo for the make-up tips. Pow!

During the opening monologue, Bill had a few good jokes. He mentioned that Rand Paul filibustered for 13 hours. During that time, he asked if drones can be used to kill Americans on American soil. Now, here comes the joke: Obama said, “Don’t push me.” Pow! Pow!

The interview was with Charlie Le Duff, a journalist and the author of Detroit: An American Autopsy.  I never heard of Charlie LeDuff before.  He’s a wiry, fast-talking, wise-cracking, street-fighting kind of guy. I’ve never known any meth addicts, but I’ve seen some on TV. Charlie LeDuff reminded me of a meth addict.

But, don’t get me wrong—Charlie is a smart guy. I learned some things about Detroit from him. Four decades ago, Detroit was the nation’s richest city. It was 83% white; now it is 83% black. The middle class, including the black middle class , left the city because the good jobs were shipped overseas.

There were two conservative Republicans on the show: Avic Roy, a writer for Forbes and the National Review, and an advisor to the Romney campaign and Michael Steele, the former chair of the Republican Party.   

The best Michael Steele lines came during overtime, the final segment of the show that is not aired, but is available on the internet.  Michael Steele pointed out the holes in the Republicans’ strategy of rebranding. He was pretty blunt saying that rebranding was important or “the Republican party will become even more irrelevant than it is now.” adding that “the leadership is stuck in a time-warp.”  He stated that there has to be substance to the Republican Party’s efforts. “We can’t just put a Marco Rubio out there and say “see, we got one too.’”

The liberal panelist was Arianna Huffington, President and Editor–in-Chief of the Huffington Post Media Group. Arianna looked beautiful as always. Last week’s guest, Monica Mehta, should get some fashion tips from her about how to look sexy without looking slutty.  Arianna wore a beautiful lacy grey short sleeved top with some kind of satiny flower-like designs on it. Girlfriend—where did you get that?  Oh, never mind, I’m sure I couldn’t afford it.

Bill led off the discussion with a mention about the Dow hitting record highs but 46 million people can’t meet basic needs. Roy added, “The bond market is doing great. The stock market is doing great. The housing market is doing great. But, the economy isn't doing great.” I agree with him there, but I think we have different ideas about why the economy isn’t doing great and how to fix it.

Arianna added that the crisis facing us is jobs--the American dream of upward mobility is no longer attainable. Then she added the “I’m-sure–this-was-rehearsed-but-I-love-it-anyway” line of the week. “America being behind France in upward mobility is a little bit like France being behind America in croissants and afternoon sex."

The comedy bit was about sinkholes.  We just had a big one in Florida—the ground opened up and swallowed a house. Bill riffed on how various publications might deal with sinkholes. Here are a few of his parodies:

            Newsweek:                           Are Sinkholes the Work of Jesus?

            Fox News:                             What you need to know about Obamaholes

Ann Coulter’s new book:    Hole: How Liberals are Sucking the Ground Out from Under Us

The special guest was David Cross, actor and comedian. David said, I never know how to dress for sinkhole season.”  He has a quirky understated sense of humor.

During New Rules, Bill asked, “Why does everything in America have to be political?”

“Conservatives like big portions; liberals like knowing where their food comes from. Conservatives like American beers; liberals prefer imported beer—socialism in a bottle. Liberals like new brands; conservatives like the tried and true brands…

“‘I believe in science’ didn’t used to be fighting words. Everyone thought that rape was bad, and everyone was anti-hurricane… 

“Walter Cronkite used to end his TV news show with ‘And, that’s the way it was’ because we all agreed on what was reality. Now we have Fox News for conservatives, MSNBC for liberals, and CNN for airports.”

I’m done with this review.  It’s time to stuff my pie-hole with some wholesome local-sourced organic food.

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Arianna Huffington on "Real Time with Bill Maher.'  I wish I could find a close up of her lacy polo-shirt.

Real Time With Bill Maher # 256 Ninth Circle

Bill Maher opened his show on August 24, 2012 (episode 256) as he always does –with a brief clip from the archives.  He aired the one where someone in the audience started shouting something (I couldn’t make out what), and Bill gets off the stage and walks down the aisle and personally ejects the heckler (with a little help from the paid security guys).

There were times last night when I wished that Bill would jump across the desk and evict a few of the panelists. Last night was my worst fear come true about the show.  Two conservatives on the panel and one middle-of-the-roader who said, “a pox on both their houses”. That left Bill as the only voice of reason. Now Bill is a good advocate for rationality, but he is mainly a comedian. The professional politicians and policy makers can sometimes score points off him.

Bill’s opening monologue began with the Republican convention scheduled to begin in Tampa, Florida on Monday. Hurricane Isaac is also scheduled to arrive in Tampa on Monday. Bill’s Joke: “An evangelical party nominating Mormon and a Catholic and then getting wiped out by a hurricane.”  The sub-text is that evangelicals are always saying that hurricanes are God’s punishment for human wrongdoing, like a gay pride parade.  So if Isaac hits the convention, is the Republican Party being punished for something. If I remember correctly, the first day of the last Republican convention had to be cancelled because of a hurricane. I’m seeing a trend. Maybe God thought they didn’t get the message last time.

The show opened, as it does every week, with an interview. The interviewee was Ariana Huffington, currently a liberal) from the hugely successful Huffington Post.

During the show Bill put a decade-old picture of Ariana and the very liberal Al Franken in bed together (Photo-shopped—they were never actually in bed together.) The picture was making the point –“strange bedfellows”.  Ariana, embarrassed by this reference to her past, quickly changed the subject to her hair. (I bet she gave bill “what-for” backstage after the show.)  Ariana Huffington now espouses liberal views (and does it very well), but she used to be a conservative. Perhaps she shed her politics when she shed her conservative husband; perhaps she saw a profitable niche on the liberal side—I don’t know.

As I said, Ariana does a great job. She more or less said that Ryan was “Romney’s poodle,” the way, Blair, the prime minster of England used to be “Bush’s poodle.”  She said his treatment of Romneyy was like a couples’ relationship pre and post marriage. A woman gets courted by a man because she is an exciting person; but after marriage that’s not what he wants anymore—now he wants her to be a doormat.  The analogy is right-on. Ryan is being forced to tone down everything that made him an exciting choice.

Back to the panel. The conservatives were Avic Roy, from a conservative think tank, Jack Kingston, a Republican and congressman from Georgia (A frequent guest, a much too frequent guest, in my opinion. I groaned out loud, when I saw that he was on the show).  Katy Kay, a correspondent World News America (the BBC in America), was the sole defender of sanity, albeit no liberal.

They argued about Medicare and the Affordable Care Act (Kingston won’t “forgive Justice Roberts”) ,about how Mitt Romney went “birther” the other day while disingenuously saying it was only a joke (mainly Bill), about how Todd Akin’s ideas about rape are the same as those held by Ryan and many other Republicans in Congress (Bill again), about whether or not the stimulus was good or bad for the economy (Avic said bad, whereas most economists agree that it saved the country from a second Great Depression), and maybe some other stuff.  It was hard to follow with everyone talking over each other.

Conservatives have a hard time giving someone else a chance to speak.  I kept hoping that Bill would do what Chelsea Handler did last week—tell them to pipe down.

As the babble went on, I’m yelling at my TV as if Bill could hear me, “Come on. Do some jokes.  Do a “bubble segment”; do the bit with the mock-ups.”  Maybe Bill heard me because he segued to a comedy bit about Republicans putting ads on Craig’s List trolling for sex partners during the convention.  He skewered Christie, Gingrich, and a few others. It’s was very funny.

Finally, it is time for the second guest usually someone from the entertainment business; tonight that guest was D.L. Hughley, a stand-up comedian who stands up for liberal ideas. The exchange between him and Bill was informative and funny. Then, he did it! Kingston interrupted the interview with the guest.  That is very bad form! (I hope Bill gave him “what-for” backstage after the show.) The panel almost always remains silent after the guest comes on.

Chaos broke loose and everyone on that stage was talking at the same time so I couldn’t make out much of what any was saying.  Mercifully, it was time for “New Rules.” The final rule, the one where Bill makes a serious point, concerned the Republicans.  It is where I found the–funniest- line-of-the-week-that-is-also-true moment. “The symbol for the Republican party should not be an elephant; it should be a unicorn “ A unicorn because they live in a fantasy land. Most of their ideas are not based on reality, but some fantasy that just happens to suit their purposes.

Bill, doesn’t title his shows, so I’m going to give This one a title: “The Ninth Circle of Hell is Two Conservatives on the Bill Meher Show.” Can you hear me now, Bill?

 I found this picture at http://wn.com